In Our Losses, we find our gain!

                      

                     Letters From the Heart

I have heard it said, “In our losses, we find our gain”, As I prayed about my “testimony”, I asked the Lord just what he wanted me to say, and I believe he wanted me to share a loss and prayer time with you. One of my biggest losses became “my perfecting”. And perfecting is: being reduced to realize God is all you need and it always has been that way.

In the beginning of 1985, a real problem of mine raised its ugly head. My tormentor was giving me a problem, and knowing my weaknesses, was pounding away at my insecurities. One night, when I could not sleep, my dilemma was first and foremost on my mind and heart. I walked the floor in my living room like I was a caged animal. In desperation, I cried out to the Lord and said: “Lord, please, you have got to give me something to hold on to before I lose my mind!” With such a dark cloud hanging and impending disaster coming, I had reached the point of brokenness before the Lord, full surrender. I believe with all my heart that I heard him say to me, “Anne, 1) hold on to what you know as truth and 2) don't be influenced by the ways of the world, 3) I am coming soon”. I picked up my bible and opened it to a random page and there on that page a verse was illuminated to me and I read, 

1^st Samuel 17: 37  David said, The same Lord that delivered me out of the mouth of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. 

Reading that verse resonated with my whole being and I felt an overwhelming peace, God had heard my desperate cry. Besides, wowwww!! the Lord had just called my dilemma a Philistine!

For this little Baptist girl, I had never been taught much of anything about spiritual warfare, so I went to a friend of mine at work that I knew to be a “prayer warrior” and told her of my experience. She said, “Anne, God has gifted you with this verse and it will always be yours to use in any battle, the way you fight this spiritual battle is with this Word to you from the Lord. Every time the problem comes to your thoughts, every time you hear a bad report about this situation, instead of worrying or even thinking about it, replace the worry with this verse, even if you have to say it is over and over, back to back, hold on to this promise and don't let it go.” I must have quoted this verse hundreds of times during those next days and weeks.

The victory was mine in that situation that God mastered for me with the weapon of His Word and there was no need for anything else. It was the beginning of my perfecting, And perfecting is: being reduced to realize God is all you need and it always has been that way.

2 Corinthians 1:20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him, the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

Oh, how I love to tell the story !

Anne with an  "e".

My Inheritance

Letters From the Heart

My joy comes from inside – not from things

I have repeatedly asked the Lord to speak to my heart and help me to know the Word he has for me. Recently, when I read, Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing”. Hummm, these words penetrated my heart as I tried to push away the guilt I felt for holding on to an incident which I allowed to caused me anger and un-forgiveness. Knowing this nudge was from the Lord, I had to take time and examine my intentions for holding on to this anger.

I have a close family member, by marriage, at least I used to considered this person a close family member, that has reminded me more than once since I have moved back to Georgia, that my inheritance from my earthly family does not exist, as everything was left to them and their side of the family and not to me and my side of the family.  In fact, this person made it very clear that I had insulted them on more than one occasion, concerning my insinuation that my family inheritance had been incorrectly disbursed to them. Please believe me when I tell you this accusation was the first time I had heard it and am convenience this was a huge misunderstanding.

I quickly asked this person's forgiveness, but instead of getting forgiveness,  I received, even more, accusations. Being completely unaware I had been so rude to my family, I again asked this person's forgiveness, but, this person has never said so much as I forgive you, kiss my foot, or go jump in the lake! At first, I was insulted, angry and just plain mad, but as I complained to Dick, my husband, he reminded me to take this to the Lord to get it all straightened out there.

You know, sometimes it just plain feels good to harbor the anger, especially if you feel you have been wronged and you have done everything to make it right! It was not long though until the Lord confronted me in my prayer time about forgiveness toward this person. “Oh, Lord, now do I really need to forgive this person, after all, they started it and I asked for forgiveness from them twice – even in the same day!” I finally gave in and said, “OK Father, will you forgive them through me because I don't want anything to do with them”. I was reminded to pray for this person daily until their words no longer stung my heart.

Forgiveness is not always easy to accomplish. I had to ask the Lord every day to take the anger from me and for Him to forgive them through me. I have indeed forgiven this person and that is one less piece of baggage I have to carry around with me, and the Lord reminds me daily that I have an inheritance that mildew, rust, thieves, and selfish family members can not and will not take away from me.

I have always been a pack rat like my mother. As I reflect on just how intently ugly greed actually is, I am encouraged to start now, to go through my “things” and pass them on to someone else to enjoy and those less fortunate, so my family will not have anything to fight over. Besides, this way I can see someone else enjoying my treasures and receive much pleasure.

Oh, Lord, please deliver me from selfish greed and people that act so ugly and rude over “things”. I thank you, Lord, that you have an inheritance for me that will be so much better than anything here on this earth. I do love you Lord and praise your precious and holy name.

I have read that “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself”! I believe true forgiveness is a blessing. I feel fully and wonderfully blessed beyond measure and no one can take that from me unless I allow it.

Like the song says:

I have a hope, I have a future,
I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me
My life's not over, a new beginning's just begun
I have a hope. I have this hope.

God has a plan. It's not to harm me
But it's to prosper me and to hear me when I call
He intercedes for me, working all things for my good
Though trials may come, we have this hope

I will yet praise Him, my great Re-deem-er
I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life
He takes my darkness and He turns it into light
I will yet praise Him, my Lord my God

Goodness and mercy, they're gonna follow me,
And I'll forever dwell in the house of my great King,
No eye has ever seen all He's preparing there for me
Though trials may come, I have this hope

There's still hope for me to-day
For the God of Heaven loves me
I will yet praise Him my Lord my God

I have a hope, I have this hope!

Oh, how I love to tell the story!

Anne with an "e"

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Prayer Time

Letters From The Heart

How many times have you just said the words to your prayer? How many times have you prayed and made a grocery list at the same time or list of what you need to do for the day? How many times have you prayed and your mind wandered over problems unrelated to your present prayer time?

I don't think God likes those prayers, it would be like someone trying to talk to you while distracted by something they thought more important. I believe he would rather us pray like we were talking to him, he “is” right here by us listening intently to every word and concern spoken.

My grandmother only had a third-grade education but was the wisest woman I have ever known. She lived with us at different times during my growing up years and She taught me by example. My memories of her are of sweet victories of peace over and over in her life, and I remember her taking her King James Bible and mumbling over those words, reading it every day and she read and prayed (out loud) during the day most of the nights.

Every night she would pray for the family and I would hear her “call the roll” as she prayed for each one. I listened for my name to be called before I could go to sleep and I truly believe my life today and my walk with God is the result of Annie Mae's prayer times.

Her prayers were not “off the wall” or vague “help me” prayers, but pointed, direct conversations with the heavenly Father, the Father of lights, where she asked for and received a “Word” and her wisdom from the Lord, words of comfort and direction. I remember visiting her one evening and at 89 years old, she said many times during the night when she could not sleep, she would go into the bathroom because she always prayed out loud and so she would not wake anyone, climbed up on top of the clothes hamper, would swing her legs and pray, pray, pray and she said, “it is never enough”! I just never get through praying for people. My Grandmother is my hero of the faith.

Thank you, Father, for a Godly Grandmother who leads by example.  Jesus lead by example when his followers saw him go into the garden at various time to spend time with the Father.  Father, I pray my life will be a living example to those who are close to me and their memories of me will be of faith building memories.

Oh, how I love to tell the story.

Anne with an  'e'

My Gift From The Lord

Letters From the Heart

My mother always said our family was Bapticostal.  In other words, part Baptist and part Pentecostal. As I was writing this today, I know some will think this is a figment of my imagination, but I promise you it was a real experience that I call a gift from our Lord.
 
I think that I completely lost the first year after Mandi died. It was like I was in a fog every day. I did go right back to work, but it was hard to concentrate and think clearly.

Even so, as it has been 28 years today July 9, 1985, my 7-year-old Mandi went to be with the Lord, and sometimes that day seems so far away and sometimes it seems like just yesterday. A child's death is something that a parent never “gets over” and it never goes away from our thoughts, but I will tell you that if I had not had my Savior to hold on to, I would never have made it through this time. Our God is so good, he is a wonderful Father, Savior, Redeemer, Provider, Comforter, Mentor and “yes” protector. I truly do not know how anyone gets through such a tragedy without Him! I am so grateful for his mercy in my life.

The greatest comfort we can have in the times of loss is knowing that death does not have the last word. Jesus does! (Wish I had said that, but I copied it).

God gave me a wonderful gift that I would like to share with you:

I had been pounding the gates of heaven every day since the accident, asking God to please not be mad at me but to let me see my Mandi. A few months after the funeral, Dick and I were helping his oldest son Rick and his family move. Kelly, my son, wanted to go to a concert at his school, so I took him to the school, and then went to the house to wait for them to come with the furniture and I got there before anyone else. I was sitting in my car, it was dark and was beginning to snow, all of a sudden, I was standing in a plush, vibrant green valley and it was very daylight. As I looked around, there were steep hills (like the foothills in Georgia) all around me and on the side of these hills, were gardens of flowers in the purest, yet vibrant colors of white, yellow, pinks, blues, lavender and greens that were almost translucent pastels. At the top of the hills, there were clusters of tall, trees with long branches that spread from one tree to another and the thick green leaves were the greenest of green and were as treescape canopies on the hill top. I knew in my spirit that if I could get to the top of this particular hill, I would be able to see the Heavenly City below.

Standing there in awe, looking all around and trying to take it all in, suddenly I heard Mandi say "Mom" and Mandi was standing right next to me. As I looked at her I said, “Oh, Mandi”! I took my hands and ran my fingers through her long blond ponytails and felt her hair. Then I gave her a hug and was surprised that there was substance to her body. I said to her “Mandi, you are real” and she said to me, “of course I am real, Oh Mom, come on, let me show you everything, it is so beautiful here!” She took my hand and begin to pull me as she started running.

When Mandi got excited, her feet hardly touched the ground, she just seemed to bounce through our house, and she was (this day) excited! And she said to me, “MOM! come on!” She took my hand and we began to run with her pulling me up the side of the hill. When we were about halfway up the side of the hill, she turned and ran right through the middle of one of the gardens of flowers and did not stop until we were right in the middle. She looked up at me and said, “It's o.k. to step on the flowers Mom, cause they don't die here!” I said “are you sure?”, and I looked down at the flowers under my feet and we both stood there stepping on the flowers and then lifting our feet and watching the little flowers pop right back up, time and again. I said to her, “Oh Mandi, this is so cool and I heard her familiar giggle”, then I looked up and........ It was dark, I was in my car and it was still snowing. I said, “Oh, Father, this was almost as good as the real thing”! I had peace that I had not had since the accident and I truly believe it was not only an answer to my prayer but also the beginning of my healing.

Was it a dream, I don't think so as I have never had a wide awake dream before. Was it my imagination? I don't think so. Was it a vision, who knows, I only know what I experienced and have never before or since had such an experience. Do I think that I got a little peek at heaven? I do indeed!

I do know that since that time, I have read other accounts of mothers of young deceased children having the same sort of experience, even though everyone is a little different. There does seem to be several common threads in these experiences, but one of them is “You can step on the flowers and they won't die”.

We are told in:

Matthew 22:32 that “I am the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

Mark 12:27 – He is not God of the dead, but of the living.

Luke 20:38 - He is not God of the dead but of the living because all are living to Him.

John 11:25 I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me, even if he dies, will live.

I write these scriptures for you as I remember the days after my loss of Mandi that I searched for answers and tried to make some kind of sense of the loss of such a young life. I did come to realize that God is still on the throne and nothing will happen to us that is not first filtered through Him, and I just know that He knows better than I what should be. It also seems to me that the Father said--”Just wait and see what I have in store for your future!” I just think that there will be a great reunion someday and I am so glad, and that is my hope!

When I complained to the Father about the loss of my only daughter, He said very clearly, “You will have many daughters” and over these past 31 years, I have indeed mentored many young women.

Through it all, though, even so, I have learned to depend on Jesus with all of my heart. Like the song says, through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, learned to trust in God and I have learned to depend on His word.

I did not mean to write a book here, but I am so happy that I can share with you a little that I have learned along the way. I have never written this experience in detail before so I am glad to be able to share this with you. Most of all, I hope this letter of my experience will be an encouragement to you during this time. Please know that I am praying for you.

Anne Roberson Mason
Anne with an 'e'

Surrender

Letters From the Heart

I went to my quiet time recently and God was there! Ohhh, I was so overwhelmed with awe, peace, and love that I could not keep from tearing up and praising God. Each day when I go before the Lord I ask Him to reveal to me what he wants me to get from our time together and this particular day, I seemed to hear him say, “surrender”.   Now, I argued with Him and said, but I have surrendered my “all” to you. But then I thought, then why Anne is he telling you to surrender!

I feel like I surrender my thoughts and actions to him each and every day, but you know what? After self-evaluation, I found I had not really surrendered everything to him. I tend to keep my mouth running or my prayer request running constantly and I think I do more talking than listening. I come from a family where the women are very “take charge”, and I tend to want to take care of things myself and tell God how I want it done. At any rate, my message this day was “surrender”, and this is harder than you might think. Surrender means everything, did you hear me? Every important and every piddling thing.

Now this means, just what it says, every single thing that inhabits your thoughts and is of concern to you. This includes your finances, health, your prodigal child, grumpy bosses, cars that don't run right, and even the old washing machine that you know is about ready to quit! I know from past experiences that when I get a message like this one, just as soon as I think I have “arrived”, I will be taken through the test, of surrender, to see if I truly understand it's meaning, then, if I don't pass the test, I will get to go around that same mountain one more time Ugh!!!

I am reminded of the scripture Philippians 4:6 New International Version (NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Have you tried not too anxious about anything? Now be honest with yourself, those piddly little things that tend to worry you over and over during your day, those thoughts are being anxious. Just try it and let me know just how you fair. Those bills that need paying next week when you are short on cash, that is being anxious, those thoughts that occupy your mind most of the day, that is being anxious too.

O.K. Anne, what should I do? Surrender. Sometimes I have to surrender and surrender over and over again many times a day. I just say, Lord, you tell me not to be anxious about this so I give it all over to you. As someone said to me recently, just say, “Jesus, take the wheel”.

OK, now look at the verse, “in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving”! There you have it. Bombard heaven with those worries big and little piddly ones too, and don't forget to include thanksgiving then “present your request to God”. Just try it today and tomorrow and even though it seems impossible today, if you are walking with the Lord, just continue to petition God with your worries by prayer and thanksgiving and I promise you God, who is true to his word, will take your trials and worries and help you through each one of them. He may not deliver you from the trials, but he will indeed help you through to the other side of them if it is your heart's desire.

He cares so much about every little thing that goes on in our life. He repeats His love for your surrender in:

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you ...

OK, now the next verse, Philippians 4:7 says: 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

If you have ever been one to worry, worry, worry, you will understand the importance of this peace. I don't know about you, but I do not like strife and confrontation in my life, and I do love peace!

What a wonderful Savior we have. One who loves us so that he wants us to completely rely on him to take care of everything, every big and even those little piddly things. But first, we have to “surrender” it all.

Oh, how I love to tell the story!

Anne with an 'e'