My Gift From The Lord

Letters From the Heart

My mother always said our family was Bapticostal.  In other words, part Baptist and part Pentecostal. As I was writing this today, I know some will think this is a figment of my imagination, but I promise you it was a real experience that I call a gift from our Lord.
 
I think that I completely lost the first year after Mandi died. It was like I was in a fog every day. I did go right back to work, but it was hard to concentrate and think clearly.

Even so, as it has been 28 years today July 9, 1985, my 7-year-old Mandi went to be with the Lord, and sometimes that day seems so far away and sometimes it seems like just yesterday. A child's death is something that a parent never “gets over” and it never goes away from our thoughts, but I will tell you that if I had not had my Savior to hold on to, I would never have made it through this time. Our God is so good, he is a wonderful Father, Savior, Redeemer, Provider, Comforter, Mentor and “yes” protector. I truly do not know how anyone gets through such a tragedy without Him! I am so grateful for his mercy in my life.

The greatest comfort we can have in the times of loss is knowing that death does not have the last word. Jesus does! (Wish I had said that, but I copied it).

God gave me a wonderful gift that I would like to share with you:

I had been pounding the gates of heaven every day since the accident, asking God to please not be mad at me but to let me see my Mandi. A few months after the funeral, Dick and I were helping his oldest son Rick and his family move. Kelly, my son, wanted to go to a concert at his school, so I took him to the school, and then went to the house to wait for them to come with the furniture and I got there before anyone else. I was sitting in my car, it was dark and was beginning to snow, all of a sudden, I was standing in a plush, vibrant green valley and it was very daylight. As I looked around, there were steep hills (like the foothills in Georgia) all around me and on the side of these hills, were gardens of flowers in the purest, yet vibrant colors of white, yellow, pinks, blues, lavender and greens that were almost translucent pastels. At the top of the hills, there were clusters of tall, trees with long branches that spread from one tree to another and the thick green leaves were the greenest of green and were as treescape canopies on the hill top. I knew in my spirit that if I could get to the top of this particular hill, I would be able to see the Heavenly City below.

Standing there in awe, looking all around and trying to take it all in, suddenly I heard Mandi say "Mom" and Mandi was standing right next to me. As I looked at her I said, “Oh, Mandi”! I took my hands and ran my fingers through her long blond ponytails and felt her hair. Then I gave her a hug and was surprised that there was substance to her body. I said to her “Mandi, you are real” and she said to me, “of course I am real, Oh Mom, come on, let me show you everything, it is so beautiful here!” She took my hand and begin to pull me as she started running.

When Mandi got excited, her feet hardly touched the ground, she just seemed to bounce through our house, and she was (this day) excited! And she said to me, “MOM! come on!” She took my hand and we began to run with her pulling me up the side of the hill. When we were about halfway up the side of the hill, she turned and ran right through the middle of one of the gardens of flowers and did not stop until we were right in the middle. She looked up at me and said, “It's o.k. to step on the flowers Mom, cause they don't die here!” I said “are you sure?”, and I looked down at the flowers under my feet and we both stood there stepping on the flowers and then lifting our feet and watching the little flowers pop right back up, time and again. I said to her, “Oh Mandi, this is so cool and I heard her familiar giggle”, then I looked up and........ It was dark, I was in my car and it was still snowing. I said, “Oh, Father, this was almost as good as the real thing”! I had peace that I had not had since the accident and I truly believe it was not only an answer to my prayer but also the beginning of my healing.

Was it a dream, I don't think so as I have never had a wide awake dream before. Was it my imagination? I don't think so. Was it a vision, who knows, I only know what I experienced and have never before or since had such an experience. Do I think that I got a little peek at heaven? I do indeed!

I do know that since that time, I have read other accounts of mothers of young deceased children having the same sort of experience, even though everyone is a little different. There does seem to be several common threads in these experiences, but one of them is “You can step on the flowers and they won't die”.

We are told in:

Matthew 22:32 that “I am the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

Mark 12:27 – He is not God of the dead, but of the living.

Luke 20:38 - He is not God of the dead but of the living because all are living to Him.

John 11:25 I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me, even if he dies, will live.

I write these scriptures for you as I remember the days after my loss of Mandi that I searched for answers and tried to make some kind of sense of the loss of such a young life. I did come to realize that God is still on the throne and nothing will happen to us that is not first filtered through Him, and I just know that He knows better than I what should be. It also seems to me that the Father said--”Just wait and see what I have in store for your future!” I just think that there will be a great reunion someday and I am so glad, and that is my hope!

When I complained to the Father about the loss of my only daughter, He said very clearly, “You will have many daughters” and over these past 31 years, I have indeed mentored many young women.

Through it all, though, even so, I have learned to depend on Jesus with all of my heart. Like the song says, through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, learned to trust in God and I have learned to depend on His word.

I did not mean to write a book here, but I am so happy that I can share with you a little that I have learned along the way. I have never written this experience in detail before so I am glad to be able to share this with you. Most of all, I hope this letter of my experience will be an encouragement to you during this time. Please know that I am praying for you.

Anne Roberson Mason
Anne with an 'e'

Surrender

Letters From the Heart

I went to my quiet time recently and God was there! Ohhh, I was so overwhelmed with awe, peace, and love that I could not keep from tearing up and praising God. Each day when I go before the Lord I ask Him to reveal to me what he wants me to get from our time together and this particular day, I seemed to hear him say, “surrender”.   Now, I argued with Him and said, but I have surrendered my “all” to you. But then I thought, then why Anne is he telling you to surrender!

I feel like I surrender my thoughts and actions to him each and every day, but you know what? After self-evaluation, I found I had not really surrendered everything to him. I tend to keep my mouth running or my prayer request running constantly and I think I do more talking than listening. I come from a family where the women are very “take charge”, and I tend to want to take care of things myself and tell God how I want it done. At any rate, my message this day was “surrender”, and this is harder than you might think. Surrender means everything, did you hear me? Every important and every piddling thing.

Now this means, just what it says, every single thing that inhabits your thoughts and is of concern to you. This includes your finances, health, your prodigal child, grumpy bosses, cars that don't run right, and even the old washing machine that you know is about ready to quit! I know from past experiences that when I get a message like this one, just as soon as I think I have “arrived”, I will be taken through the test, of surrender, to see if I truly understand it's meaning, then, if I don't pass the test, I will get to go around that same mountain one more time Ugh!!!

I am reminded of the scripture Philippians 4:6 New International Version (NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Have you tried not too anxious about anything? Now be honest with yourself, those piddly little things that tend to worry you over and over during your day, those thoughts are being anxious. Just try it and let me know just how you fair. Those bills that need paying next week when you are short on cash, that is being anxious, those thoughts that occupy your mind most of the day, that is being anxious too.

O.K. Anne, what should I do? Surrender. Sometimes I have to surrender and surrender over and over again many times a day. I just say, Lord, you tell me not to be anxious about this so I give it all over to you. As someone said to me recently, just say, “Jesus, take the wheel”.

OK, now look at the verse, “in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving”! There you have it. Bombard heaven with those worries big and little piddly ones too, and don't forget to include thanksgiving then “present your request to God”. Just try it today and tomorrow and even though it seems impossible today, if you are walking with the Lord, just continue to petition God with your worries by prayer and thanksgiving and I promise you God, who is true to his word, will take your trials and worries and help you through each one of them. He may not deliver you from the trials, but he will indeed help you through to the other side of them if it is your heart's desire.

He cares so much about every little thing that goes on in our life. He repeats His love for your surrender in:

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you ...

OK, now the next verse, Philippians 4:7 says: 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

If you have ever been one to worry, worry, worry, you will understand the importance of this peace. I don't know about you, but I do not like strife and confrontation in my life, and I do love peace!

What a wonderful Savior we have. One who loves us so that he wants us to completely rely on him to take care of everything, every big and even those little piddly things. But first, we have to “surrender” it all.

Oh, how I love to tell the story!

Anne with an 'e'